You Pray for Understanding...

July 13/14, 2012. 1:49am:
Dark times. Days are avoidant battles. Nights, escapist insomnia. Dreams: of being attacked, chased, and falling. Enduring.

Surviving... doesn't vibe with sociability, Not as I know it. All me, I know. ...mostly me.

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I think, I think I am starting to understand, some things... We choose, sometimes. Other times, we fear and avoid what we know -- overwhelmed, and there is no choice at all. The longing for distraction and presence of the known uncomfortable so beyond our capacity... This, is not freedom, but there is an IS to it, and that IS is worth accepting, and seeing lucidly.

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You pray for understanding, come what may, and find that what made sense, and seemed to be working, is now all inside-out and around-about, a mashed-hash of sense, light, color and sound, turned at odds with what you just thought known, and certain.

I don't want to, but a believe, there is, and it can be found, some... loving-purpose in this, this "Chased, falling, avoidant-yet-longing Being".