Dreamt and Learned May 16th 2011
Traversing a dusk, or dawn wilderness, between windswept hillsides and bare, rocky shores. Alone, with the cold mottled sky above, and this constantly draining light rain clouding my vision, chilling face, head, and neck... I have to move, to extend forward, compelled to be, ...to manifest... to prove, something.
Towards this stony sea-side way, I found on the ground dirty, weather-beaten camo pants. They fit. Another person, a familiar woman is floundering, as one who has just awoken in an unfamiliar place. She looks to me in this desolate place, for guidance, from confusion. I lead our way onward, as best I can.
The wild ocean tide encroaches suddenly from below, as we struggle away both for safety, and from this compulsive need to move forward, continuing to scale and pass one blistering climb after another.
Upon our arrival, my peer is sternly questioned, not having any answers. A moment passes. I am aware, attentive and cautious, intimidated and unsure in this brief silence, awaiting my interrogation. Quickly then, I am derisively, repeatedly questioned, and chastised for my condition, as it is found lacking. Searching myself for some reason, and not sure what exactly is happening or why, the only reasoning I can manage is to say: "I got lost on the way."
Upon awakening, I pray for wisdom and analyze this dream. Things felt, believed but not recognized are served here for my consideration, from that mystery beyond waking awareness. The day and the coming hours bear fruitful reflection, and a metaphor develops later on in the evening, in the same revelatory spirit - giving eyes for the obvious which had previously gone unnoticed.
This metaphor, brought on by desperate vocal reflection in the night air outside causes me to consider how the pain of an organ taken for the whole of the problem in place of an underlying illness merely detracts from an awareness of this illness, remaining part of an affected whole whether alarming pain, or not. It is not the underlying illness in and of itself, and even if it were to be as healthy as possible, it can never repair the disease affecting the whole. This metaphor applies to my family, and perhaps to other societies as well.
XV Spring 2011
