So, I just really figured out why it is that I am more comfortable in crises than in ordinary circumstances, and its a good reason, as maybe all real reasoning is, but that;s a different matter. The reason I am more comfortable with crises situations, and maybe why I attract folks in them, is at least two fold. In crises, we become hyper aware to cause and effect, and communication that may be relevant to either harm or resolution. As such, we both listen better, or more critically, and we have a greater urge to communicate. This reads as people seeming more transparent, open, and receptive than they normally are, which leads to the second reason why I am more comfortable in crises - that I am not yet very talented at gaining others trust and inviting them to open up. I think of an analogy in the saying "Any port in a storm" and how an outlier port frequented and bustling during the stormy season may not have many boats come in when sailing is smooth, and how such a port may take its clients for granted, and not really know how to be properly welcoming and as hospitable as business in a common port may have to be to compete for clients with others. I think the analogy fits me. When friends ghost me and even long time friends don't call until someone gets sick or passes on, they take for granted that I am supporting and come quick, but when things improve, I am often left high and dry to fend for myself in my circumstances, and found if anything unsettled for being alone, or saccharine and overattentive - neither of which normalize things, but drive the analogy even further from routine interaction. I think being calm when left alone, and welcoming and supportive while not overbearing (so long as it can be avoided) may be a good step to improve this, as may be not investing too heavily in needy friends who only come in when they need some understanding or a shoulder to cry on. Setting up boundaries and abiding and communicating them may be even more lonely at first, but I need to change and grow just as much as anyone, especially if I am to be of good service, in both clear and stormy weather. -XV, Feb 2021.
